Ultimate XMen: MOJOVISION
by Dino Pollard
Summary: After the events of the Mutant Massacre, the XMen are at a loss. Wolverine is gone, Nightcrawler is in a coma and Shadowcat is frozen in her phased state. Unfortunately for the XMen, they won't have a chance to recover because a mutant movie producer name
1. Part I: Longshot

* * *

Two sentries dressed from head to toe in sophisticated armor stood guard. The building was quite large, and our hero stared up to spot the summit, but it stretched high into the clouds. Loose locks of blond hair fell over his crystal-blue eyes as he carefully took stock of his situation. Each sentry held a spear with a blade made of energy.

He moved his head back so the large transport he crouched behind completely hid his presence from the sentries. His hands moved beneath the faded, waist-length leather jacket he wore. Beneath the jacket were a series of small throwing knives, his weapon of choice. He slid his hands out, and three knives were held between the fingers of each closed fist.

Without a thought as to the risks or his own safety, he leapt into the air and landed on the transport. The sentries both turned to look at him in surprised. He smiled at them and then leapt again, this time flipping in the air as the blades left his fingertips. Three blades struck their mark in the weak spots of each sentry's armor, and their lifeless bodies fell to the floor. He landed gracefully in a crouch, his arms spread out as if wings were attached, and his coat floating behind him briefly like a cape. He brought himself up to his full height of six-foot-four and brushed a few strands of blond hair from his eyes.

"Looks like your shift's over," he said and his right eye flashed a bright glow of yellowish-orange energy. He knelt down by one of the sentries and he pulled a keycard off of the sentry's belt. He slid the keycard into the slot and the red light turned green. With a hiss of air, the pressurized doors to the building automatically slid open.

Our hero slowly made his way inside. It was dark and dank. His flashing left eye was the only source of light for him and fortunately, it provided him with the means to see in the dark. He came to an intersection in the hallways. He had one of three choices to go – left, right, or forward.

First he glanced in each direction briefly, his eye flashing as he did. He quickly moved down the right hall and continued on his journey. He saws lining each wall—doors which led to holding cells. It was a penitentiary for political prisoners. The empire didn't like dissolution in the ranks. He cared nothing for it, he had a job to do, and he would be paid handsomely for it.

He stopped at one of the cells and slid the keycard inside. The red light turned green and the door opened up. He stepped inside and a young woman with raven hair reaching down to her shoulders, bright blue eyes, and a firm, slender body looked up from the bed she lay on. Her clothing left very little to the imagination, and the pose she struck was an alluring one.

"I see you took the long way," she said to him.

"You know me," he said, flashing a hundred-watt smile as his eyes admired her form. "I love the scenic route."

"Let's just get out of here," she said. She stood from the bed and stormed past him. Before she could take another step, the lights in the hall suddenly turned on to full brightness. Five armored sentries stood between the two of them and the way out.

"You know what I hate?" said the young man. "When people not only show up uninvited—but where's the courtesy of at least knocking first?"

His hands once again traveled beneath his jacket and he produced two fistfuls of throwing knives. He slowly stepped forward, his body stuck in a dramatic pose as the five guards circled him. The young woman he had just rescued pressed her back up against the wall, her bosom heaving out and her lips parting slightly in fear.

"Oh no, what now?" she asked.

"Now it's time to take out the trash, baby," he replied. One of the sentries charged forward and he leapt above him. His feet crashed down on the sentry's head, forcing him to the ground. He delivered a high kick to another sentry, and as he fought one, the others just stood and watched, waiting for their turn.

His hands moved in a rapid flurry, and a series of quick cuts and close-ups on his fingers was all the audience could see. In the next shot, he stood triumphant, his eye glowing, and his enemies scattered around him. The young woman ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. He wrapped one arm around her slender waist and pulled her body close to his.

"You were amazing!" she exclaimed.

"Baby, it's all in a day's work for the guy they call Longshot!"

He looked at the camera with that hundred-watt smile and his eye glowing. The words "LONGSHOT" appeared across the monitor and at the bottom of the screen was text that read, "A MOJOVISION PRODUCTION."

* * *

"MOJOVISION"  
Part I: Longshot  
July 2005  
**by Dino Pollard**

* * *

**_London_**

Deep beneath the streets of London were the sprawling mass of underground tunnels. At once, these tunnels were home to a society of mutants called Morlocks who could not pass as human above ground. So they retreated into the sewers.

Until they were massacred by a group of mutant assassins called the Marauders.

The X-Men came to the aid of the Morlocks, but they were too late. The Morlocks were all but extinct, and the X-Men suffered casualties as well. Colossus and Beast were both heavily injured, although now both were feeling fine. Nightcrawler, however, still remained in a coma and Shadowcat remained stuck in her phased state, unable to solidify or even speak. In addition, the X-Men's leader, Wolverine, was now gone.

For Hank McCoy, the experience was far from a pleasant one. Since his time with the X-Men, he has suffered much tragedy. His girlfriend was killed by a member of the Weapon X organization and after being beaten within an inch of his life and left for dead, his body began to mutate in order to heal. Now, he found himself with enhanced strength and speed, he had developed fangs, and a coat of thick blue fur now covered his body. Now, his codename truly fit him more than ever.

Weeks have passed since the Morlock massacre. The bodies had been removed and given a proper ceremony. With the disappearance of Wolverine, Cyclops had taken control of the team. It was his decision to remain in these tunnels, but he first consulted Hank as well as Jean on it. Jean was initially opposed to the idea, but Hank supported it.

"Are you sure about this?" Jean had asked. "We all know how…"

"You can say it, Jean," said Hank. "How the Marauders tortured me, right? Simply for pleasure."

Jean had offered no response, but she avoided Hank's eyes.

"Hank… no one suffered more in these tunnels than you did," said Scott. "No one will hold it against you if you want to leave England."

"No, I have to be here," said Hank. "I want to be here. Besides, where else would we go? We're wanted outlaws in the States, Avalon is probably overrun by SHIELD agents, and we don't have access to whatever contacts Logan may have had. At least here we can stay under the radar. The Morlocks were able to do it for years, so why can't we?"

"You're right," said Scott. "I also spoke to Dr. Reyes. She said she'd be willing to help us in any way she can for the time being."

"Which for the time being means looking after Kurt until he comes out of his coma," said Jean. Scott nodded.

It was a good plan, Hank had decided. He knew it was, and despite what… reservations he may have had, he felt it truly was something he had to grow accustomed to. Ever since he joined the X-Men, people have been trying to kill him. The world was a very dangerous place, and how better to remind him of that fact than to remain in the place where he came closest to death?

Hank snapped his mind out of the past and brought himself back into the present. He walked through the tunnels, and in one of the enclosures, he saw a large man with skin made of steel chipping away at a block of stone with his bare hands.

"Peter?" he asked.

"Hello Beast," replied Peter. "Interesting look for you."

"It takes some getting used to," said Hank, referring to the blue fur on his body.

"Nice to see you up and about," said Peter.

"You and me both," said Hank. "…what are you doing?"

"Chiseling," replied Peter.

"Well yes, I can see that," said Hank. "But what are you chiseling?"

"I'm creating a memorial for the fallen," said Peter. He stepped back from the stone and with a scrape of metal against metal, dusted his hands off. Hank cringed from the sound. "Sorry."

"So a sculpture to honor the Morlocks?" asked Hank.

"Yes," replied Peter. "Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be an artist. My father discouraged it, of course. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps and join the family business. Much like my brother, Mikhail… the good son."

"And I take it he wasn't too happy when he found out his son was a mutant," said Hank.

"You might say that," said Peter. "I didn't join Mystique's Brotherhood because I wanted to kill humans, Hank—I joined out of necessity. For protection. And, at the time, it was the only way I knew to help my kind."

"Protection?" asked Hank. "You can bench-press a semi, why would you need protection from your father's people?"

"Maybe protection is the wrong word," replied Peter. "More like… acceptance."

"Oh."

"These poor souls… they had nothing," said Peter. "They harmed no one. But they were killed. Even more, they weren't killed because they were mutants. They weren't killed for some greater cause. They were just slaughtered by their own kind in exchange for money."

"That's the way the world works," said Hank. "People backstabbing other people to get what they want. It happens every day."

"I'm not naïve, Hank, I know that," said Peter. "But just because I know it doesn't mean I have to accept it."

"You're starting to sound like an idealist," said Hank.

"And you, like a pessimist."

"Not at all, I just prefer to live in reality," said Hank. He paused and turned away. "I'll leave you to your artwork."

"You do that."

* * *

_**Hollywood**_

"WHAAAAT! WHATWHATWHAT?"

"Oh I'm sorry, did I stutter?" asked Longshot. He tilted his chair back, resting it on its back legs, with his feet propped up on the table before him. He held a bag of peanuts in his hand and one by one, tossed them back into his mouth. Each one landed in perfectly.

"You… want… WHAT!"

"To renegotiate my contract," said Longshot. "I'm not getting any percentage off these merchandising profits, and frankly, my lawyer says I'm getting screwed."

The man Longshot sat facing was a blubbery sort of fellow. He was dressed in a suit that did nothing to hide the massive rolls of fat he had. His skin was a yellowish color and his hair consisted of multicolored dreadlocks. His entire upper body shifted like a lava lamp whenever he moved. He sat in an odd chair of sorts, with spider-like legs that served as wheels. This was Mojo, executive producer of the Longshot television series and CEO of MojoVision. Standing behind Mojo was his personal assistant, Domo. A tall, thin man who served the sole purpose of being Mojo's "yes-man."

"You… are a genetic construct!" exclaimed Mojo. "You don't get a lawyer!"

"I find that comment highly offensive," said Longshot. "I may be a genetic construct, but I'm still a human being!"

"…no you're not!" exclaimed Mojo. "If you were a human being you wouldn't be a genetic construct, but you are a genetic construct, which means you're not a human being! You can't be both a genetic construct _and _a human being, that's not how it works! Either you're a genetic construct or you're a human being and since you're a genetic construct that means you're a genetic construct and _not_ a human being!"

"If I may, o gargantuan one, I believe you've had one too many espresso shots today," said Domo.

"_Don't_ you tell me when I've had too much espresso!" exclaimed Mojo. "I can never have too much espresso, because there's no such thing as too much espresso and even if there were sucha thing as too much espresso I wouldn't have too much of it because I'm immune to the effects of caffeine and sugar, it's part of my mutant power!"

"No it's not, your whaleness," said Domo. "Your mutant power is your lack of a spine."

"Did I give you permission to speak, Domo! I didn't think so, now get me another espresso before I lose my temper again! Do you understand me, you little shit! I want my espresso and I want it ten minutes ago and if I don't get my espresso, I get very anxious and very moody and very angry and then I start cancelling people! So, do we understand each other!"

"Yes, your blubberyness," said Domo with a sigh. He took a bottle from the nearby table and opened a small compartment on the back of Mojo's chair. He poured the espresso into it. The chair delivered the espresso straight to Mojo's veings.

"Ahhhh…" said Mojo. "…what were we talking about?"

"My contract," said Longshot.

"Oh yeah, of course!" said Mojo. "No renegotiation, you'll continue operating under your present contract."

"Don't make me sic the union on your fat ass!" exclaimed Longshot.

"Did you hear what he said to me, Domo?" asked Mojo. "Did you hear that? Did you hear what he called me? Did you? DID YOU!"

"Yes, sir," said Domo. "He called you a fat ass."

"See, that's what I thought I heard!" said Mojo. "That's slander and I don't have to stand for it! I expect a written apology signed in blood before we have any more talk about contract renegotiations!"

"Actually, elephantine one, they've now prohibited blood signatures," said Domo.

"Well what the crap!" exclaimed Mojo. "Where's the fun in that! Alright alright alright fine! We'll play it your way! Just the apology, no bloodletting, and then we'll talk. Deal?"

"…no!" exclaimed Longshot.

"Domo, did he just say no to me?" asked Mojo.

"I believe he did, sir," replied Domo.

"NOBODY SAYS NO TO MOJO!" he exclaimed. "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!"

"This isn't over, lardbutt," said Longshot. He stood from his chair and walked out the door. Mojo sighed.

"Domo… what have I done to deserve this treatment?"

"Well, there is the matter of how you constantly negotiate contracts which solely benefit you and no others, you treat your employees like dog turds, you cut corners to save yourself money, you place your actors in life-threatening situations, you don't observe proper safety proced—"

"Hey, if I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!" exclaimed Mojo. He sighed and his face shifted to one of sadness. "What am I gonna do, Domo? Longshot's not doing so hot in the ratings anymore, people are getting sick of him! We need something new and fresh for this series! We need... we need... we need we need we need..."

"More drama?" asked Domo.

"Shut the hell up, Domo, I'm trying to think!" replied Mojo. "No, we don't need that, we need... what is it we need... it's not violence... no... DRAMA! We need _drama_! And more of it! And how do we get drama? We bring in _sex_! And _lots _and _lots _of sex! That's the ticket, Domo! I'm a genius!"

"Sir, if I may, the show already has quite a bit of sex in it," said Domo. "Longshot sleeps with a different heroine every week."

"No, not that kind of sex, we need the drama kind of sex!" exclaimed Mojo. "We need..."

"A regular female lead?"

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous!" exclaimed Mojo. "Wait... I've got it. What we need... is a regular female lead! Right?"

"I--yes sir, that sounds like a great idea."

"Of course it's a great idea because I thought of it!" exclaimed Mojo. "Damn, I'm a genius!"

"You are."

"Now then... who do we get to play the female lead..." muttered Mojo.

"We can begin auditioning actresses," said Domo.

"No, that won't boost ratings, we need someone recognizable!" exclaimed Mojo. He thought for a moment and then suddenly perked up with a snap of his fingers. "Of course!"

"What is it?" asked Domo.

"You remember that singer who disappeared?" asked Mojo. "She was a mutant or something."

"Ah yes," replied Domo. "Ali Blaire."

"That's right, find me Ali Blaire!" exclaimed Mojo. "She's the one I want, she'd be perfect! People would tune in for her triumphant return to the world of media and her acting debut, and they'll stay for the drama and interaction between her and Longshot! It's perfect!"

"Of course it is, sir," said Domo.

"Get me Spiral immediately!" exclaimed Mojo. "I don't wanna waste another minute, we've gotta get the talent scouts all over this girl!"

"You mean the warwolves, sir?"

"Shhhh!" exclaimed Mojo. "They're _talent scouts_, Domo! Warwolves sounds so... evil."

"You thought up the name, sir."

"Of course I did, that's because it's genius," said Mojo. "Now, I want Ali Blaire on my casting couch and I want her here yesterday!"

* * *


	2. Part II: Casting Agent

* * *

_**London**_

"Wolverine."

Scott Summers looked up from his newspaper. Through the red-tinted ruby quartz sunglasses he wore, he saw his fellow teammate, Jean Grey, looking down at him with her arms crossed. She wore a inquisitive look upon her face. Scott was enjoying a cup of coffee at an outdoor café when Jean approached him.

"What about him?" he asked.

"You told the rest of the team he decided to take a sabbatical," replied Jean. "I want to know why you lied."

"You're the psychic," he said.

"I already know your answer," she said. She took the seat across from him at the table without even being asked to join. "But I want to hear it from you."

Scott sighed and rubbed his forehead. He closed the paper and set it down on the table.

"After we broke off from SHIELD, I thought following Logan's lead was the best course of action," said Scott. "I never really trusted Magneto, but I played along since Logan seemed to think it was the best course of action. And then we found out what Magneto was _really _up to. Then we come here to London and we get mixed up with the Marauders and the Morlocks. And now, Kurt's in a coma, Hank was tortured, Peter was badly injured, and Kitty's stuck in her phased state. Plus, we already lost Monet, O, and Rogue before this all happened. I don't want to see anyone else dead, and I thought Logan made some really bad decisions down there in the tunnels. So I told him to leave."

"And he listened to you?" asked Jean.

"Logan once said to me that he expects me to take over leadership if anything should happen to him," replied Scott. "So I did."

"What makes you think you're leadership material?" asked Jean.

"Gee, thanks for the confidence boost..." muttered Scott.

"I'm serious."

"Logan's been grooming me to take over ever since we came to Avalon. He said he trusted me the most out of everyone."

"Why you?"

"Just read my mind."

Jean blinked before she spoke her next words: "So he thinks I'm unstable?"

"Can you blame him for being worried?" asked Scott. "What's with all this Phoenix stuff anyway, Jean? You change your codename, you start displaying a lot more power than you've ever shown in the past, you said you've been having weird dreams, and John told me the other day he saw you talking to plants...?"

"When I was fourteen, my sister cut her own throat," began Jean. "My powers chose that moment to emerge. And I was in her mind when she died. Her depression, her pain—I felt it all. It washed over me in a tidal wave of emotions. After that, things got worse. I started having nightmares. I went into a coma and while I was in that coma, I kept seeing images of war of famine of death. And I was just stuck—forced to watch all of it, forced to feel all of it. But I couldn't change anything. And there was no release. I wanted to die so badly, just because I knew it would end everything, but I couldn't. I'm not religious, but if I were, that's probably the closest thing to hell I could ever imagine.

"I'm not sure if you know this or not, but Charles Xavier was a student of my father's in college. The two kept in touch afterwards, and at this point, Charlie was working as a psychiatrist. My father also knew he was a mutant and he asked him to help me. Charlie came inside my mind and he helped me purge the demons that were plaguing me. He put mental blocks on my mind and he began training me how to use my powers, just telepathy and telekinesis. He then purged his memories of the knowledge of my powers, just in case something were to ever happen.

"That's all this is, Scott—my full potential realized. When the Shadow King tried to lock me away, my blocks were removed and it was like I was transformed into something completely different. I was reborn, Scott. That's why I chose to start calling myself Phoenix. There's nothing wrong with me. I feel better than I have in years. My eyes are open, I see the world for what it really is."

"And what is it?" asked Scott.

"I can't tell you," she replied.

"Why not?"

"Because you're not ready," she said. "But at some point, you will be. And when that time comes, I'll find you and show you the answers to everything."

* * *

"MOJOVISION"  
Part II: Casting Agent  
October 2005  
**by Dino Pollard**

* * *

Alison Blaire stepped onto the sidewalk just outside of Cecilia Reyes' clinic. She brushed her long, blonde hair behind her ear and looked to her left and right. Satisfied in the knowledge that no cars would strike her down, she quickly crossed the street. She continued down her path, turning a corner into an alley. She glanced over her shoulder again and she knelt down to lift the manhole cover. Before she began her descent into the tunnels, a hand gripped her shoulder. She spun on her heel and quickly delivered a kick to her assailant. Her eyes went wide when she saw who it was.

"John!" she exclaimed.

"Damn... do you have to wear heels?" asked John Proudstar, his hand rubbing the spot on his abdomen where she struk him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you," she replied. "I'm a little jumpy these days."

"It's okay, I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that," said John.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, it only hurts when I breathe," he replied.

"Oh please, big football star like you took worse hits than that."

"So sue me, I was trying to milk it," he said. "You coming from Ceci's place?"

"Yeah, I went to check on Kurt and Kitty."

"How are they doing?" asked John.

"Ceci said Kurt's doing well, she expects him to come out of the coma shortly," replied Ali.

"And Kitty?"

"No change," replied Ali. John could detect a hint of sadness in her voice. "Y'know, sometimes I wonder what we're actually doing."

"What do you mean?" asked John.

"Okay, well after our ties with SHIELD were broken, we joined up with Magneto," replied Ali. "Fight the good fight for mutantkind, right? But then we found out Magneto wasn't who we thought he was. And then we come to London and go up against the Marauders. Now Logan's gone and we're on our own. And aside from hiding out in the tunnels, what exactly are we doing?"

"You heard Scott at the last meeting, we're waiting for Kurt and Kitty to heal up before we make our next move."

"But what _is _our next move?" asked Ali. "We were government agents and then we were mutant terrorists. So now what do we do? We're not superheroes, John, we're too young to be going through all this. Since I joined the X-Men, I've lost more friends than I ever lost in my entire life."

"So what's the other option?" asked John. "Go back to the States where we're wanted by SHIELD? We gotta stick together, because we got no one else. Scott's doing the best he can since Logan ditched out on us. It's a new experience for all of us."

"What a sweet, Kodak moment."

Ali and John spin around and before them stood a shapely woman with six arms and long, silver hair. Several silver dog-like creatures surrounded her, each of them with their eyes fixed on John and Ali.

"Hi, I'd like to introduce myself," said the woman. "My name is Spiral, and I'm the head casting agent for MojoVision Studios. Mr. Mojo would like you to audition for an open spot on one of his television shows. We were told to make you an offer you can't refuse."

"What the hell is this?" asked John.

"I really don't think I appreciate your tone of voice," said Spiral. "Please, we're all adults here, surely we can make a deal? Mr. Mojo absolutely refuses to take no for an answer."

"Too bad," said John.

"As you wish," said Spiral. "Warwolves, cancel him. But leave the girl alive. She's the one Mr. Mojo wants to cast."

* * *

_**Ningxia Hui Province; China**_

Dr. Ao Jun, the head of the Chinese research facility known as Feng Tu, stepped inside the elevator. He slid his keycard into the slot, confirming his access, and he pressed the button for the roof. As the elevator slowly rose through the shaft, he began to cough. A lifetime of smoking three packs of cigarettes a day had left the sixty-year-old genetics specialist with a blackened lung and cancer.

The elevator came to a sudden stop and the doors opened with a hiss. He stepped forth from them and saw a black helicopter devoid of any sort of identifying labels, with the blades still spinning. Several soldiers stood around the helicopter—guards of the Feng Tu facility. Ao Jun walked past them, the wind from the helicopter giving him a bit of resistance as he approached the chopper. The blades began to slow before deactivating completely. The door to the helicopter opened and an American man in his forties, dressed in a black suit with a red tie, stepped forth.

"Dr. Ao Jun I presume?" the man asked.

"Yes," replied Ao Jun. "I've been expecting you."

"How's the progress so far?"

"We've been proceeding apace, your Dr. Lang has been invaluable with the samples he provided us," said Ao Jun. "I'm surprised the General hadn't come?"

"General Stryker had other business to attend to. Since this is my project, he asked me to come personally and see how things have been proceeding."

The two men stepped inside the elevator and Ao Jun slid his keycard inside the slot. He then pressed the button for the sub-basement level. The elevator descended, carrying the two men deep into the Feng Tu facility, beneath the surface of the earth.

"I know this project is being undertaken without your government's knowledge of your involvement," said Ao Jun. "Are you worried they will discover what you've been doing?"

"Right now, the President has his hands full with hurricanes, desert warfare, and Supreme Court nominations. Ever since the capture of Magneto, the mutant issue has been a moot point. Many people have already forgotten about the incident at Liberty Island."

"So it's true, your people _did _find Magneto?" asked Ao Jun.

"What do you know about Magneto, Doctor?"

"Please do not insult my intelligence, sir. The world may have been unaware of Magneto's escape from your Weapon X program, but not us. Some of his Acolytes attempted to escape from his Avalon base to China. They were captured and interrogated by the military."

"Well, you heard right—we _did _find him. Currently, he's enjoying an all expenses paid vacation at the lovely Guantanamo Bay."

"You tried containing him in the past and he escaped," said Ao Jun. "Why not just kill him?"

"Because there's no fun in torturing a dead man, Doctor. Currently, he's comatose and we have him locked up in a specially-designed plastic cell, just in case. We're actually looking forward to his awakening, because then we can begin the torture. SHIELD's psi-division is hard at work trying to penetrate his mind, but with little luck so far. They keep getting images of family picnics and school plays."

The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. Ao Jun exited first and his visitor followed. The two men walked across a metal catwalk towards a large, glass tube in the center of the massive room. The visitor smiled as he looked in at the specimen behind the glass.

"How much longer?" he asked.

"Hard to say how long the incubation period will last," replied Ao Jun. "However, he'll be ready soon enough. ."

"What's that?"

"A nickname some of us have given to the subject," said Ao Jun. "It means: 'The Man From Room X.'"

"Clever."

"Is this to your liking, sir?" asked Ao Jun.

"Yes," he replied. He turned to face Ao Jun. "Also, I don't believe we've been properly introduced, Doctor. My name is Henry Peter Gyrich."

* * *

**_London_**

The warwolves pounced on Thunderbird and Dazzler. The two X-Man instantly switched into battle-mode, and Dazzler unleashed a burst of light to blind the creatures. With them momentarily distracted, Thunderbird moved at breakneck speed to incapacitate them, his fists shattering jaws. Dazzler held her own, firing off sound-fueld laser blasts to keep the Warwolves away from her.

"Very nice acting, very natural..." said Spiral from the sidelines, watching with keen interest. Her eyes were suddenly blinded by a bright flash. She lifted her arm to shield herself, and once her eyes readjusted, she saw a bird composed of fire surrounding four individuals. A young man with short, brown hair and a visor over his eyes. A tall, brutish fellow with steel skin. A mixture between animal and man with blue fur covering his body and a pair of glasses. And in the center of the avatar was a young woman with short, red hair and her eyes glowed brightly.

"Hmm... special effects on that scale look very expensive," muttered Spiral. "Having them for free would halve the budget..."

Phoenix lowered her teammates to the ground, and they came to the aid of Thunderbird and Dazzler in the battle against the Warwolves.

_"I picked up your thoughts and thought you could use some assistance,"_ rang the psychic voice of Phoenix in the X-Men's heads.

"Jeannie, you're always a welcome addition to any party," said Thunderbird.

"Warwolves, back," said Spiral. The warwolves instantly retreated back to the side of their mistress.

"Already?" asked Thunderbird. "C'mon, I was just getting warmed up."

"I'm a casting agent, I know talent when I see it," replied Spiral. "I don't have time to waste watching a full performance, a snippet is more than enough. I'll leave the rest up to auditions."

"Auditions?" asked Beast. "Did I miss something?"

"She's been talkin' like that since she got here," replied Thunderbird. "I think she's just a few beers short of a six-pack."

"It's time to proceed to the green room and there you will begin your auditions," said Spiral.

"Jean...?" asked Colossus.

"Her mind's a jumble," replied Phoenix. "When I try to scan it, I just keep getting a jumble of catch-phrases."

Spiral's six arms began to move about in odd motions, and glowing orbs appeared in the palms of her hands. She began to sway her hips and move her legs to nonexistant music. As she danced, she hurled the orbs, one by one, at each of the X-Men. As soon as the orbs struck each X-Man, they vanished in a flash of bright light.

"Welcome to MojoVision Studios."

* * *


	3. Part III: Auditions

* * *

The last thing Alison Blaire remembers was standing in London beside her fellow teammates in the X-Men. They were facing off against a mysterious, six-armed mutant who called herself Spiral. She danced and hurled glowing orbs at each of them and then the world went white for the woman called Dazzler.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself here. She was sitting on a plush couch in a spacious office surrounded by headshots of actors and actresses. There was a large desk in the office, but no chair was behind it. She stood from the couch and began exploring.

She walked over to the desk and fished through the drawers, but they were all empty. As if the occupant of this office never did any actual work. Like the desk itself was only there for show. She wasn't sure exactly what was happening, but she intended to find out before the day was through.

The door opened and a tall, lanky man with long hair pulled back into a ponytail stepped inside. He held the door open and a large, blubbery man in a suit came in, sitting in an odd electric wheelchair. He had multicolored dreadlocks and yellow skin. His smile was wide and despite his mass, his four fingers were long and bony.

"Well, wellwellwell," he said. "Isn't this cozy?"

"Who are you?" asked Dazzler. "Where are my friends? What is this place?"

"Domo," said the large man. Domo, apparently the name of the lanky fellow, stepped forward and held out something. Dazzler took it from his hand and looked at it. It was a business card that read "MOJOVISION STUDIOS."

"What is this?" she asked.

"Didn't you read the card?" asked the man. "Domo, didn't I tell you to give her a card?"

"I did, your largeness," replied Domo.

"And did you give her a card?"

"Yes."

"And did she read the card?"

"Yes."

"SO WHY IS SHE ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS?"

"I'm not certain, sir," replied Domo. "Perhaps you should ask her yourself."

"Good point," he said. He looked at Dazzler. "Why are you asking stupid questions?"

"Who. Are. You?" asked Dazzler once again.

"Mojo," he replied. "Mojo is my name, media is my game."

"What?" asked Dazzler.

"Mr. Mojo is the head of MojoVision Studios," replied Domo. "We're an entertainment company. We work through all different mediums, but we specialize in movies and television."

"So you kidnapped me... for what?" asked Dazzler.

"Let me put it to you straight, sweetheart," said Mojo, moving his chair closer to her. He set his hand on her knee and smiled at her, but Dazzler pulled away from him. Mojo shrugged and then continued. "You, are Ali Blaire, correct?"

"I am," she said.

"The pop star?" asked Mojo. "Actually, let me rephrase that—the _former _pop star?"

"...yes," muttered Dazzler, a hint of regret in her voice.

"I want to make you a star, baby," he said. "I want you to have the biggest comeback in history."

"You want me to go back to singing?" asked Dazzler.

"Oh fuck no!" exclaimed Mojo. "No, that part of your career is over. I'm talking about making you an actress."

"But I can't act," said Dazzler.

"So?" asked Mojo. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It just always seemed like something of a requirement," said Dazzler.

"Think baby, think," said Mojo. "Ben Affleck. Jennifer Lopez. Keanu Reeves. Tara Reid. Can any of _them _act?"

"Well... no..."

"Exactly," said Mojo. "To make it in Hollywood, all you need is to have charisma. And you've got it, baby. I've been following you since you left the music biz and you've impressed me."

"Wait... what!" asked Dazzler.

"Your mutant exploits," replied Domo. "The very public battles against Magneto in Times Square, those other mutants at Liberty Island, the incident with that Brotherhood organization... we've been following your public battles very closely, Miss Blaire."

"You're tailor-made to be an action star," said Mojo. "So, here's my idea: I want you to become the co-star on the TV series, _Longshot_. I want you to be his romantic foil, to turn the tables on him. Cut him down a few pegs."

"What about my friends?" asked Dazzler. "They were with me when I was kidnapped. Where are they?"

"We're... auditioning them," replied Mojo with a large grin.

* * *

"MOJOVISION"  
Part III: Auditions  
December 2005  
**by Dino Pollard**

* * *

Scott Summers shook the cobwebs from his head as consciousness returned to him. The man called Cyclops brought himself to his feet and quickly scanned the area he was in. It seemed like he was in the middle of a large forest, but he wasn't sure where. He started to walk through it, but couldn't see beyond the trees. It was then that he heard a familiar sound.

**SNIKT**

Cyclops spun on his heel just in time to see the Wolverine leaping towards him, claws extended. Cyclops leapt back, narrowly avoiding his former teammate's claws.

"Logan!" he exclaimed. "What the hell is going on!"

"Think you can just toss me t' th' curb like that, one-eye?" asked Wolverine. "Didja think I wouldn't come back for you? Think I wouldn't come after you?"

Those were the last words Wolverine spoke. The only thing Cyclops heard from him after that were feral growls. He did his best avoiding the savage mutant's claws. His hand went to his visor and he unleashed an optic blast. The force of the blast sent Wolverine flying.

"I don't know what's going on here—I don't even know where 'here' is," said Cyclops. "But I don't wanna fight you, Logan."

"Your funeral, kid," said Wolverine. He ran towards Cyclops. The X-Men's new leader fired off an optic blast, but Wolverine was able to dodge it. He leapt in the air and drove his booted feet into Cyclops' head. He picked Cyclops up by the leather fabric of his costume and lifted him in the air, claws poised to strike.

"Payback time, Summers."

* * *

John Proudstar opened his eyes and groaned in pain. He brought himself to his feet and rubbed the back of his head. He glanced around and realized where he was—his old high school's football field. The last time he was here was before he joined the X-Men, when he accidentally took the life of a rival player.

"Is this some kind of sick joke!" asked Thunderbird. "Whoever's behind this, it isn't funny!"

"You think I'm laughing?"

Thunderbird looked over his shoulder and saw Ororo Munroe sitting in the bleachers. His eyes grew wide in shock when he saw her.

"O...?"

"Yeah, it's me," replied Ororo. Like Thunderbird, she was one of the original X-Men. A former thief with a bit of a past behind her, her ability to manipulate the weather granted her the name Storm. She was possessed by the Shadow King and while under his control, attacked Liberty Island. She was accidentally killed by Rogue, another of the X-Men, in the attempts to stop her.

"This isn't right," said Thunderbird. "It can't be. I saw you die."

"By the way, thanks for the help with that," said Storm. "I thought you cared about me, John."

"I did," said Thunderbird.

"So when I went missing, why didn't you try to find me?" asked Storm. "Too busy cozying up to the former pop star, huh?"

"Ali?" asked Thunderbird. "What are you talking about, Ali and I never—"

"Oh shut the hell up!" she exclaimed. She hovered from the bleachers. The winds she rode blew her silver hair and Thunderbird noticed that some of the strands were beginning to stand on end, charged with electricity. "Think I never saw the way you looked at her? The way she looked at you?"

"O, listen, I don't know what you're talking about," said Thunderbird. "There's never been anything between Ali and I."

"Oh really?"

"Well... okay, I'm attracted to her, but that's it," said Thunderbird. "But that's not the point—what happened to _you_! I saw Rogue kill you, how can you be alive right now?"

"I got better," said Storm. She lifted her hand and lightning coursed from her fingertips. The arcs of electricity struck Thunderbird and his body began to convulse.

* * *

"Oh ho ho!" exclaimed Mojo. He sat before a row of large monitors. His elbows were perched on the arms of his chair and his fingers interlocked so his head could rest on it. The gigantic smile never faded from his face. On each of the monitors, he could see the four X-Men being put through their paces. Dazzler and Domo stood nearby watching as well.

"Such delicious drama!" said Mojo. "This is seriously better than a soap opera!"

"What's happening to them?" asked Dazzler.

"It's all in their heads," replied Domo. "We have psychics putting through these trials, using their memories and their fears as the base for them."

"Technology—ain't it grand?" asked Mojo.

"Something's wrong..." said Dazzler. "I only see Scott, John, Peter and Hank. Where's Jean?"

* * *

"Get up."

The voice was gruff and Peter Rasputin did not have to look up to know who it was. Still, he slowly opened one of his eyes. The moment he did, a larger, older man with long black hair and a goatee grabbed him by his neck and pulled him from the bed, knocking him to the ground. Peter groaned in pain, but it didn't stop the older man from kicking him in the chest.

"I said get up, you little fag," said the man. "I've orders from Papa. Time to turn you into a man."

"Leave me be, Mikhail," said Peter. Mikhail Rasputin grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up. He slammed him up against the wall.

"Shut up," said Mikhail. "You do as I say, little brother, you understand? You're an embarassment to this family and if you think I'm going to let you humiliate us, you've got another thing coming."

Mikhail threw him from the wall. Peter struck the ground hard and grunted in pain. Mikhail turned him onto his back and drove his fist against his younger brother's face. He continued to pound his fists against Peter and the younger brother had no defense against the attack. He could only lay there and allow his brother to have his way.

"You like this, don't you?" asked Mikhail. "Maybe this turns you on, eh?"

"Stop..." muttered Peter. "Just... just leave me alone..."

"Always with those sculptures and paintings," said Mikhail. "You're weak, Piotr. You can't do anything for yourself. I'm going to turn you into a man if I have to beat the fag out of you."

* * *

Hank McCoy felt the throbbing pain of a massive headache when he opened his eyes. His glasses were missing, he couldn't find them anywhere. He assumed he must have dropped them before Spiral teleported them away from London. Although where she teleported them, he hadn't a clue. The Beast found himself in a laboratory. There was another man in the room with him, wearing a white coat. His back was to Beast, and the X-Men could see he had long, black hair pulled into a ponytail.

"Nothing but a failed experiment," said the man.

Beast's eyebrow raised in curiosity when he heard the voice. The man turned and the Beast found himself staring at... himself. Or at least the way he looked before he was left near-death by the Marauders. Cecilia had told him that his body had undergone a "secondary mutation" to save his life, a mutation that caused blue fur to grow all over his body. His nails became claws and his canines became fangs. His own mutant abilities of superhuman strength and agility were also enhanced by the mutation.

"Did you hear me?" asked the human McCoy. "I said you're nothing but a failed experiment."

"I'm not an experiment," said Beast. "I didn't do this to myself."

"You're not even human," said McCoy. "Look at you. Despite your intellect, your mutation causes you to slide further down the evolutionary ladder. From man to beast. What's next, I wonder? What form will your body take on after this one?"

"I don't know," said Beast.

"Maybe we should find out," said McCoy. His massive fist shot out and slammed against Beast's abdomen. He drove his elbow against the Beast's skull. He picked up the X-Man and slammed him against the wall.

"Stop..." muttered Beast.

"Oh come on, don't be so weak!" exclaimed McCoy. "Let the Beast come out and play!"

* * *

"Delicious! Simply delicious!" exclaimed Mojo. "I couldn't get better drama and inner turmoil if I paid for it!"

"Are you insane!" exclaimed Dazzler. "You're killing them! How could you find this entertaining!"

"Because sweetheart, it's drama baby," said Mojo. "It's what makes the world go 'round. It's what brings people back every week for more. And it's what keeps the sponsors paying through the nose for ad space. Genius, pure genius is what it is. I abso-freaking-lutely _love _it! Love it, love it, LOVE IT!"

"Perhaps we should put this on the air instead of Longshot," said Domo.

"Shut _up_, Domo!" exclaimed Mojo. "Can't you see I'm trying to think!"

"My apologies, oh bulbous one," said Domo. He tapped Dazzler on the shoulder and held up four fingers. Then three, then two, then one and at the exact moment he lowered his final finger, Mojo spoke again.

"Wait, I've _got _it!" exclaimed Mojo. "Listen to this, Domo, this will blow your mind!"

"What is it?" asked Domo with a sigh.

"Instead of keeping Longshot's show on the air, we make him part of the ensemble cast of a brand _new _show!" exclaimed Mojo. "We'll call it... the X-Men! And we'll have the X-Men play themselves! Brilliant, isn't it?"

"Most brilliant," said Domo. "Your creativity knows no bounds."

"Of course it doesn't, that's because I'm a creative genius," said Mojo. "You can't spell genius without Mojo! Well... you can, but my point still stands! This is the greatest idea I've ever had, it'll totally revolutionize the way people watch television! We'll have Longshot and Dazzler there as this star-crossed couple! And as both having former experience in pop culture, they'll be relatable icons! Then the other X-Men will be there, which will make for perfect drama! It's perfect, flawless, can't fail!"

"Of course it can't," said Domo.

"What!" exclaimed Dazzler. "You can't be serious. We're not going to buy into this crap of yours, not after I've seen what you've done to my friends! We've already been puppets for the government and Magneto, we're _not _going to be your puppets, too!"

"You don't have a choice in the matter, Ali-baby," said Mojo.

* * *

Above Mojo's office, in the air ducts, Longshot gritted his teeth in anger.

"Cancel _my _show!" he muttered beneath his breath. "He can't do that! And for what, so I can play the charming, mystery guy on some ensemble show? I don't think so, Longshot works solo! I'm not about to share the spotlight with _any_one!"

Longshot moved through the air ducts. He was flawless in his movements, easily able to move through without making a sound. He was created to be the perfect action star. Handsome, charming, mysterious and able to handle himself in any situation. He made his way towards the one room where he knew he could put an end to Mojo's plans for making the X-Men the latest new stars.

He found his goal and kicked open the air vent. He dropped down to the room beneath and saw a young woman strapped down to a metal table. She had some sort of helmet on her head, with LED lights on it that kept flashing on and off. He looked her over and smiled to himself.

"So, you're the one they call Phoenix, huh?" he asked. "Let's see how well Mojo can maintain his hold on those auditions when I free the X-Men's resident deus ex machina."

* * *


	4. Part IV: Cancellation

* * *

"Ugh..."

Light suddenly penetrated Kurt Darkholme's bright yellow eyes. He blinked a few times in an attempt to adjust his eyes to the sudden light. He brought himself to a sitting position in the bed he found himself in. A headache pounded at his temples, and he rubbed his forehead with his three-fingered hand.

"Kurt?"

Moving his hand away, he saw a woman of Puerto Rican descent enter the room. Her long, brown hair was braided and the braids were pulled into a ponytail. She wore a pair of small glasses on her nose and a lab coat over medical scrubs.

"Who are you?" he asked. "Where am I? Where are the others?"

"Relax, everything's okay," she replied. "My name is Cecilia Reyes, I'm a doctor. Your friends brought you here to me."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" asked Kurt. He was suddenly beginning to get very frightened of the situation. He had never seen this woman before in his life, and he had no idea if she was telling the truth or if this was some sort of SHIELD medical bay.

"I'm a friend of Logan's," she said. "You were fighting those mutants in the tunnels, right? The Marauders I think they're called?"

Kurt began to relax slightly as she spoke.

"What's the last thing you remember?" she asked.

"I... I just defeated Blockbuster..." replied Kurt. "And then... everything went black."

"Okay, you were ambushed by one of the Marauders," said Cecilia. "You lost a lot of blood and you sustained some massive injuries. Your friends got you here as soon as they could, but you were unconscious. Kurt, you've just awoken from a coma."

"What about the others?" asked Kurt. "What happened to Peter and Kitty?"

"Peter's fine, he took a few hits, but nothing that was incurable," said Cecilia.

"And Kitty?"

"...Kitty's a different story."

"What do you mean?" A flash of light and Kurt vanished from the bed. Suddenly, he rematerialized right before Cecilia and gripped the collar of her coat. "What happened to her?"

"Kurt... please... let me go," she said.

"Not until you—"

Kurt was cut off as an invisible force pushed him away from Cecilia and he hit the ground. He shook his head and looked up at her in shock.

"That was _my _mutant power," she said. "I can generate an invisible forcefield around my body. May not seem like much, but it comes in handy when recovering coma patients try to get violent."

"What's going on here?" asked Kurt. "Where are my friends?"

"Kitty is in the next room, I've been trying to analyze her condition and find a way to help her."

"Help her? Help her with what? What condition does she have?"

"She's become frozen in her phased state. An after-effect from the battle with the Marauders."

"What? How's that possible?"

"I wish I knew," said Cecilia. "Needless to say, at the moment, I'm trying to do everything I can to help her. If you want to see her, you can. But she won't be able to speak and without Jean here, there's no way to read her thoughts."

"But where's Jean?"

"I don't know," said Cecilia. "The others have been missing for about a day or so. I have no idea where they went or when they'll be back."

"Take me to see Kitty then," said Kurt. "Man... this is a mess. Logan must be pissed."

"Actually, that's something else we should probably talk about, Kurt..."

* * *

"MOJOVISION"  
Part IV: Cancellation  
January 2006  
**by Dino Pollard**

* * *

"So... you're Phoenix, huh?"

Jean Grey offered no reply. Her body lay prone on a metal table, shackled down. A helmet covered her head, with flashing LED lights on it. The man called Longshot moved towards her and examined the helmet. He lifted his hand, which only had four fingers on each, and ran those digits over the helmet. He searched for some way to release it, but wasn't sure how.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Longshot sighed and looked to see the six-armed woman called Spiral. She served as Mojo's head talent scout. She also had... intimate knowledge of Longshot.

"Hey Spiral, how you doing, babe?" he asked.

"Don't 'babe' me," she replied. "You think I'm gonna fall for that bullshit?"

"Spiral... sweetheart... I'm being honest here. What say we just pick up where we left off?"

"And where would that be?" asked Spiral. "Before or after you slept with my sister?"

"Okay, okay... I fucked up, I admit it." He lifted his arms up in a gesture of peace. Spiral stepped closer towards him.

"Get away from the woman," she said. "You're not going to screw up Mr. Mojo's latest venture."

"I just want what's mine. You know just as well as anyone that I'm not built for an ensemble cast. I'm a solo hero, through and through. No way can Mojo expect me to draw the same crowds when I have to share the spotlight with these leather-clad losers."

"Look who's talking. You think I'm going to let you get away with this, huh?"

"Well... not without a fight, anyway."

Longshot's hand quickly moved to his belt and he hurled three daggers. Spiral dodged them, but when she looked up again, Longshot's foot came crashing down on her face. Before her body could hit the ground, she planted her hands on the floor and used them to flip back upright. Longshot attacked again, but this time Spiral was prepared. She fought against him with all six arms, but his speed allowed him to keep up and block each of her attacks.

* * *

"You don't have a choice in the matter, Ali-baby."

"The hell I don't!" exclaimed Dazzler. She lifted up her arms and unleashed a bright display of light. The effect blinded Mojo. Dazzler ran for the door, but found Domo blocking her path.

"Are you going to try to stop me?"

"Not at all, Miss Blaire," said Domo. He stepped aside from the door and Dazzler left the room. Once she entered the hallway, however, she found herself facing off against a dozen dog-like creatures that seemed to be made out of metal.

"Of course, just because _I _refuse to dirty my hands doesn't mean the warwolves have any such beliefs."

Dazzler backed up and the warwolves began to advance. They growled as they came closer to her. She kept her power effect down, instead choosing to soak in the sound they were generating.

"Deeeelicious!"

Dazzler looked back towards the door and saw Mojo and Domo exiting the office, following behind the warwolves. Mojo had a huge grin on his face, and had obviously quickly recovered from her distraction.

"Ali, Ali, Ali..." Mojo shook his head and wagged a finger. "You should have _known _better than to try something like this. Don't you know my warwolves aren't very friendly with actresses who try to break their contract?"

"_What _contract!" asked Dazzler. "I didn't sign anything!"

"Domo... is that true, did she not sign a contract?"

"It is, sir."

"DOMO!" exclaimed Mojo. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! SHE HAS TO SIGN A CONTRACT, YOU KNOW SHE HAS TO SIGN A CONTRACT, BECAUSE IF SHE DOESN'T SIGN A CONTRACT THEN WE HAVE NO HOLD OVER HER AND THERE'S NO WAY WE CAN FORCE HER TO WORK FOR US, NOW IS THERE?"

"That's actually fairly accurate, sir," said Domo.

"Ugh!" Mojo let out an exasperated sigh. He rubbed his forehead with those long, bony fingers. "Thinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthink..." He snapped his fingers and looked up with a glimmer in his eye. "I've _got _it!"

"Yes sir?" asked Domo.

"We get her to sign a contract!"

"Brilliant, sir." Domo rolled his eyes.

"Hey Ali, you feel like signing a contract?" asked Mojo.

"I thought I was already clear that I wasn't going to," replied Dazzler.

"Oh... well okay, then there's nothing we can do," said Mojo.

"...there isn't?" Dazzler was shocked at his response.

"No, of course not. What's done is done, no contract, no actress. No actress, no show. End of story."

"So... so I can go?" asked Dazzler.

"Well _we _certainly can't use you in our productions, now can we?" asked Mojo. "Not without a contract. Anyhoo... warwolves, cancel her."

The warwolves began to advance on her once again.

"Wait, what's going on!" she exclaimed. "I thought you said this was done, that without a contract there was nothing you could do!"

"Oh I did," said Mojo. "But see, without a contract, that means you're completely useless to us. And I hate useless people, don't I, Domo?"

"You despise them, o gargantuan one."

"Exactly, so I might as well have you killed since you're no use to me," said Mojo.

The warwolves advanced once more. One of them leapt foward and Dazzler unleashed a massive light burst to blind them. She hurled concussive bursts of light at the warwolves, trying to keep them away from her. At that moment, a door between Mojo and the warwolves was smashed open and Spiral flew out. Dazzler watched as a young, handsome man with blond hair and blue eyes stepped forth from the door. He wore a black leather spy suit and one his right eye would periodically flash with energy.

"Sorry Mojo, but the ratings just came in. No cancellations today."

"Longshot..." Mojo's voice was laced with venom and the type of camp usually found in B-movie villains. "Cancel him!"

The warwolves leapt into action, and Longshot countered their attacks. He moved gracefully past each of them, hurling dagger after dagger. He sustained precious little wounds, each dagger striking its mark flawlessly. Dazzler joined in, continuing to use her powers on the warwolves. More warwolves entered the scene, charing down the corridor.

"Come with me if you want to live," said Longshot. He grabbed Dazzler's arm and pulled her along with him. The two ran inside one of the nearby doors, entering a soundstage. They charged past the actors, filming some sort of sitcom in a man's apartment. Longshot pulled Dazzler into another soundstage, where surgeons were performing plastic surgery on a patient. The next soundstage was a soap opera, and as they raced through, they finally found the warwolves had been lost in their chase. Longshot pulled her into a deserted soundstage and the two sat there for a few moments to catch their bearings.

"Damn, what a rush!" he exclaimed.

"A rush?" asked Dazzler. "We're being chased by vicious... things and you look like you're having the time of your life!"

"That's because I am," said Longshot. "This is what it's all about, babe. Frantic chase scenes, the hero outwitting the villain and gaining a gorgeous romantic foil."

"Umm... excuse me?" asked Dazzler. "What's that about romantic foil?"

"You and me, of course. So tell me, when should we do the sex scene? Do we succumb to the heat of passion now when faced with a life-or-death situation?"

"No, we don't!"

"Ah, I see," said Longshot. "I guess it's gonna be one of those, 'banter back and forth until the bad guy is defeated and _then _have sex to celebrate.'"

"No, it's not that, either!" exclaimed Dazzler.

"It's not?" Longshot looked puzzled. "So what is it, then? I mean, those are the only two options I can think of."

"I'm not sleeping with you," said Dazzler.

"But... you have to."

"No I don't!"

"Yes, you do! It's the way these things work."

"Okay..." Dazzler paused and took a breath. Then she looked Longshot in the eye and said, "listen to me very carefully. This is _not _a movie. We are _not _actors. We are in a situation where we could easily lose our lives. I've been there before. It's not fun, it's not entertaining and it's definitely not romantic. It's—"

Longshot pulled Dazzler's head close to his and he planted his lips against hers, forcing his tongue inside her mouth. Dazzler pulled away and roughly smacked Longshot across the face.

"What the _hell _is your problem!"

"That was it!" Longshot rubbed his cheek, where a red handprint was forming.

"What, your attempt to get castrated!"

"No, the _moment_!"

"The... moment?"

"Yeah, you know, the_ moment_!" he exclaimed. "The moment when the hero and the heroine are in a heated debate and their passion just takes over and they go at it!"

"Oh god..." Dazzler buried her face in her hands. "I am never watching another movie for as long as I live..."

* * *

MojoVision's psychics have been using technology as well as their own natural telepathic abilities to keep the X-Men in captivity. The psychics have taken the X-Men's fears and created scenarios where they are locked in them. In order to prevent the X-Men's resident telepath from throwing a kink into Mojo's plans, she was shackled and fitted with a neural inhibitor.

The problem with the neural inhibitor is it cannot stop everything. Instead of attempting a direct attack to break free, Jean Grey has instead chosen to allow her consciousness to slip out little by little into the minds of the psychics, slowly overtaking them. Once her own brain activity seems to die down, the Phoenix sinks its talons into the minds of the psychics. The resulting backlash forces the psychics to pass out from a massive neural attack.

The neural inhibitor helmet is suddenly removed and Jean Grey's consciousness quickly returns to her body.

* * *

"Look, I don't care what you do, but I'm going to find my friends," said Dazzler.

"But... but we're supposed to overthrow Mojo together!" said Longshot. "We haven't even reached the climax yet!"

"And we won't be reaching it, either," said Dazzler. "Look, Longshot... for the last time, I don't _care _what you're used to! That's not the way things work in the real worl—"

A bright flash of light interrupted Dazzler's sentence. Standing there were Mojo, Spiral, Domo and a collection of warwolves.

"Spiral my dear, remind me to give you a raise," said Mojo. "Now... we were talking about cancellations?"

A deafening explosion again interrupted. Once the smoke cleared, Cyclops, Phoenix, Beast, Thunderbird and Colossus were standing in the wake.

"Okay... which one of you assholes do I get to hit first?" asked Thunderbird, cracking his knuckles.

"No!" exclaimed Mojo. "Nononononononono! This is _not _supposed to happen! Warwolves, Spiral, cancel them all!"

"Excuse me, sir." Domo laid his hand on Mojo's shoulder. "But you may want to look over there."

Mojo glanced towards a monitor Domo had pointed at. It replayed the footage from the battle with the warwolves and Longshot and Dazzler, as well as the footage of the X-Men's loud entrance. A smile spread across Mojo's face when he watched his star attraction interacting with Dazzler.

"That... that's beautiful..." he said, a tear sliding down his cheek. "I've got it, Domo! Longshot! Your show is cancelled, forget it, it was shit, it's over! Instead, I've got something better—_Longshot: The Movie_! It'll be incredible! Lucas will have _nothing _on the budget we're giving this project! Longshot, baby, you're the next big thing! You'll be the next James Bond, the next Indiana Jones, the next... whoever that guy is! Spiral! Teleport these rejects outta here! Too much baggage! Such drama queens! Go on, poof! Gone!"

An orb of light appeared in each of Spiral's six hands and she hurled them at the six X-Men. They all vanished in a flash of light, then rematerialized in London where they were teleported from. Once they rematerialized, Cyclops looked to each of his teammates.

"...okay, can someone please tell me what the _hell_ that was all about?"

* * *

**NEXT: **_Family Ties_

* * *


End file.
